Introduction

For the woman who is dealing with a breakup, and is in need of a guide to help her heal and get back to living her fabulous life. In this guide, I have included tried-and-true methods to heal and open your heart to life beyond your ex, and experience joy and peace with God's word as your incredible foundation.

After reading this guide, you should be able to:

• Explore and give attention to the true source of love

• Have renewed confidence in yourself

• Learn how to manage thoughts of an ex, when they do come your way

• Use your existing hurt for good

• Find constructive things to do with your time

• Focus on self-care

• Shift your thinking to hope for God’s best

What makes me qualified?

I have no Ph.D., I am not a counselor, nor have I been married.  But I’ve seriously had to mend my heart after a relationship more times than I’d like to admit, and on multiple occasions it was after going back to the same person.

With this person, for the first time in my life, I felt like I was being upgraded.  From wining and dining at hip restaurants weekly, attending concerts and art gallery openings, to being embraced, and loved by his family and friends.  I cherished the simple things in our relationship, like being able to talk on the phone for hours or just chilling and appreciating dope music together. We laughed together daily.  It truly seemed as though I met my soul-mate. It seemed as though he felt the same way, well, until life would happen and a disagreement or challenge would arise. Forgiveness often felt one-sided. It seemed as though I was always reminded of his fear that we would not work out. As fate would have it, we were unable to work through our trials.  After breaking up we would temporarily move on to other relationships. Even in my attempts to move on with someone else, there was a part of me that desired to be with him. Ultimately, it was because deep down I felt like it would not get any better than that person. The bar had been raised to a new level. It seemed like he had a keen since of intuition, and somehow right when I felt like I was over him, he would always find a way back into my life. I would embrace any opportunity I had to rekindle the relationship because I missed our friendship.  We would start off as “friends” then transition to a more romantic dynamic. Then the same hurtful and confusing cycle filled with ups and down would resume. It was a roller coaster that I at one time was willing to endure all for the sake of love.

I was living the true definition of insanity by choosing to be with him and expecting a different result. There was just a part of me that believed that we could beat the odds.  I wanted things to work out between us so badly. It took years for me to realize that making a decision to love … him, meant that I am also choosing to forgo loving myself. Loving him equated to me choosing to embrace emotions and feelings of confusion, hurt, and frustration that do not serve me well.  I deserve to feel secure and know that even in hard times, I’m in a relationship that perseveres, where love is present unconditionally. So I finally decided to cut ties and move on with my life. It is important to know that I have no hard feelings towards this person. I believe that we both had good intentions. I just had to learn the hard way it’s impossible for us to “just” be friends, and that anything more wasn’t meant to be.

To be frank, sharing this story puts me in a vulnerable position. Yet I choose to reveal these details about my past in order to show how deeply I felt in the relationship and how hard it was for me to let go. Yet, there were others. If it weren’t for my rocky relationships in the past, it’s possible that I might not have had a need to acquire this skill of being able to move on. The tips provided in the guide has helped me in my time of need. I believe that there is always someone else going through the same thing as I was.  So this guide is my gift to anyone who is need of healing.

FUNDAMENTALS

First I’d like to start by saying something very important, and if you remember anything, please remember that YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS! This is just a temporary moment in time.  You are not the first or last person trying to heal from a breakup. During this time, you can decide to grow or sink. This is a resource to help you consider an alternative way to rebound and begin a love affair with God to wholeness. The unconditional love and acceptance that we desire will only ever come from one source, and that is our heavenly father. He loves us so much and is waiting for us to come to him so that he can heal our hearts. No one will ever love us as much as he does, and it’s time to allow him to heal our hearts, make us whole, and begin a long-term relationship with him.  

So if you’re ready to move on, keep reading.

Matthew 11:

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Please be mindful that this is a fight. In order for these methods to work, you have to be prepared to fight mentally. You’ll have to fight for your sanity, fight for your healing, and fight for your happiness.  Understandably, when you’re newly broken up, this can be a challenge. Maybe you’ve been fighting for so long to save your relationship or you've spent most of the relationship battling against your significant other so now you’re tired, over it, hurt, and exhausted. Now that it's over, you may feel discouraged and tired. But this is the time when you need to fight the most. It's a little uncomfortable in the beginning, but making the decision to fight, move on, and focus on living your best life each day will be the backbone of getting over your past.

My hope and faith comes from reading and hearing the Word of God, which is why I've included the scriptures. Each section will consist of very light reading and prayer. I find that the more I say something, the more I tend to believe it. Therefore, you will be asked to recite these prayers because there is power in speaking things into existence. The more you say something, the more you will believe it. I also recommend getting on your knees while praying. For me, it’s a form of submission to the Lord.  I feel that my prayers are more impactful this way. So if you're comfortable praying, referencing scriptures, and receptive to believing in God’s promises, you'll be on your way to a remarkable recovery. It's worked for me every time, and I pray that this will also work for you.

During this "detox" and healing period, I highly recommend listening to encouraging music.  Music that makes you happy and gets your hopes up. Personally, a good praise song or Beyoncé’s Flawless (the clean version. don’t judge me.) does the trick for me! But, again, whatever music lifts your spirits, play it every day.

So let’s get to it.

Prayer (Recite aloud. Repeat until you believe):  Thank you, Lord. This breakup may be tough right now, but I know that I will be grateful for this someday. In fact, I choose to receive the blessings in this season of singleness today. I receive your favor and unconditional love. Your word says that no weapon formed against me shall prosper, and that is what I choose to believe and receive. I am not a victim. I am a fighter. I am strong and I will persevere.  I will not give up on myself. I will not give up on love. I trust this process and will operate on your divine timing.  So thank you, Lord, for where I’m at today. Greater things are coming. Doors are opening.  I open my heart to you and receive your blessings now. Help me develop a special inseparable relationship with you Lord. Ultimately I want to be loved, I want to be desired and receive the best you have in store for me.  Renew my mind to believe that there is a better half created specifically for me. In the meantime, allow me to be content with my current situation and trust your plan for my life. Allow me to be sensitive to your voice and direction and quickly obey. I trust you, Lord. Better is coming. Better is here! This is a growing pain and with your help, I will grow through this, stronger, wiser, with peace and happiness. Today, I let go and detach myself from any outcome. I am open to this life you have for me.

 In Jesus’ name. Amen.

It may be a little dramatic or extreme, but I’m a firm believer in practicing what it means to have someone to be “out of sight, out of mind”. It makes a huge difference, aids in giving me peace of mind, and expedites the healing process. If you’re in an environment where you still have to encounter him, the tips below are still things you can do to help with the healing process:

• Delete pictures – My thinking has always been, that worst case I can create new memories under better circumstances.

• Unfollow on social media – including their friends if they post pictures of him. It’s nothing against them, but that sinking feeling that may come when seeing an ex on social media is not worth a follow. So I find this step to be very necessary in order to guard my heart.

• Choosing to take a break from listening to music that reminds you of him.

• Avoid page stalking to see what they’re up to.

• Try not to talk about him.

• It may be best to avoid going to certain social events if you know he’ll be there.  There have been a couple times when I made this mistake, and it did not end well. Instead, it may be a better idea to find somewhere else to socialize and have your fun until you’re healed.
  
  

Prepare Yourself to Receive God’s Best

This is a season of change and positive transformation for you. New beginnings are on the horizon. Use this time to renew your mind. I tend to reflect on situations, and had to train myself on how to direct my reflections. So beyond reflecting on how hurt I may feel, I push myself to think about who I want to be, the areas where I can grow, and focus on becoming that person. This is the perfect time to break bad habits and develop new behaviors. Focus on being and looking your best. Wear what looks good to you, and get your body right. It's time to begin the journey of being in the best shape of your life, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. So please don't fall off. Get better.

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your bodies.” – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.” – 3 John 1:2

Here are some great practices to kick start your transformation:

1. Give thanks - there's so much to be grateful for. For starters, you woke up, and are alive! (We'll touch on giving thanks a little later in the book).

2. Workout for at least 15 minutes on most days.

3. Smile - until you actually start to feel good. You can do this in bed, while you're getting ready in the morning, during your commute to work or whenever you may start to feel down. Typically, I began to feel good after holding a smile for about 10 seconds.  

4. Eat foods that are good for you, including plenty of fruits and vegetables – Remember:  You look like, smell, and feel like what you eat.

5. Laugh at every chance you get.  Laughter truly is the best medicine. It's so fascinating how quickly it brings me out of a negative mood.  The joy of the Lord is our strength☺.

6. Drink lots of water – rehydrate after shedding those tears. I try to drink at least 6 bottled waters a day.

7. Get rest - 8 hours is ideal. Naps are amazing as well. It’s important to allow your body to rest, heal, and recharge.

8. Look your best. Because you owe it to yourself and it’s a huge confidence booster.

9. Pray. Because your life depends on it.

10. Meditate – If you can imagine peace and happiness on the inside, you can manifest those same things on the outside.

If at any point during this transformation you find yourself in tears or feeling down, please know that’s completely normal. You're human, it happens, and sometimes you just have to experience those emotions and let them pass. Just promise yourself that you won't stay there. This is a fight, so let the emotions pass and keep it moving. For me, feelings of sadness are always temporary, sometimes it may last longer than others. But I always move on and become even stronger.  Trust the process.  

Let Go.

Dwelling on the past serves you no good

Isaiah 43:18-20 New International Version (NIV)

18: “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.

19: See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

It’s over. Sometimes this can be the hardest part to grasp when breaking up. But the decision has been made to end things, and that relationship is officially a part of the past. That’s the reality I realized I must accept in order to truly move on and heal. Take what you can learn from the relationship, and begin the path of moving on. What are some things that you learned from being in the relationship that will help you in your future and can help you be a better companion in your next relationship? Take a minute to reflect and write those learnings down.

I like to refer to my previous relationships as lessons. It was just practice and I was able to experiment and mess up before meeting who God has for me. Release yourself, and be okay with him moving on (because chances are, he will, and sooner than you), and say goodbye emotionally. God is doing a new thing in your life!

When you find yourself drifting away in thought about him or memories from the relationship, become aware of what you’re thinking, and take control. If you're able to learn from those thoughts, good. But if they're just thoughts that keep you down, and no longer serve you, you're torturing yourself. Shift your mindset from dwelling on thoughts of your past to creating the future that you desire.   My favorite line to say is “God has someone so much better in store for me”. And of course I have a scripture to back that up, Ephesians 5:32. These are truths that you can count on. On the other hand, the devil is a liar. So, of course, he's going to put crazy thoughts in your head. Just remember that they are all lies.

John 8: 43-44

43 Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. 44 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

Take control of hurtful and self-degrading thoughts; which are lies. Now is the time to look ahead and step up your faith. There are so many possibilities that you have not even realized yet.  Get out of the bed, and start moving. Don’t be held captive to your thoughts. Focus on creating the best possible life in this present moment. Confidently expect great things to happen in your life.

Prayer: Dear Lord, moving on may not seem easy.  But I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me. Your word says that your power is made perfect in my weakness.  So please let your perfect work have its way. Help me to move on Lord. Help me to no longer dwell on the past.  I realize that no matter how much I think about the past, I cannot change it.  I will instead choose to learn from it so that I can be better for my future. Today I choose to let go from all of my past relationships and pain. Allow me to realize that I am not missing out on anything.  Everything you have for me will be for me and will work out. I look forward to my amazing future while choosing to be present and making the most out of the current moment. In Jesus name I pray Amen.

Forgive

Now that you’ve chosen to let go, making the decision to forgive is an essential next step towards healing, and receiving this new life that God has for you. The actions of your partner in your previous relationship may not have been the best.  But forgiveness means that you no longer choose to take those actions, during and after the relationship, personally. You choose to let go of what happened and no longer hold it against them. Maybe you might have made mistakes in the relationship.  If so, it’s time to stop beating yourself up. Learn from it, move on, and do better in your next relationship. This does not mean that you have to develop amnesia or get back with that person (I’ve been there). But this does give you the freedom to release negative energy that may be causing you sadness and blocking you from receiving your blessing. Below is one of my favorite scriptures that also requires forgiveness.

Mark 11:24-25 New International Version (NIV)

24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

Prayer (Bow on your knees, recite this aloud, and repeat until you believe): I need you, Lord. I need you to heal me. Please forgive me, Lord, for all of my wrongdoing. Allow me to forgive myself. Give me the grace to forgive those who I feel have wronged me. You forgive me every single day. I pray that I am also able to give others that same grace. I release all bitterness, rage, and anger. Instead, I choose to look above with my focus on you and your great plan for my life. In Jesus’ name, I pray, Amen.

You Are Healed

Isaiah 53: 4-5

4. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. 5 But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.

Your healing has already been given to you.  It’s already done.   All you have to do is believe and tap into your power source. Claim your healing. Believe that you are healed.  See your heart being whole. See yourself happy, smiling, and laughing. See yourself being unfazed by your ex and changing the channel in your mind when thoughts of him or the relationship come to mind. See yourself living life without even thinking of your past. Picture yourself being whole and the happiest you've ever been. Trust those beliefs.  Hang on to your faith and be confident that you are healed.

Prayer (Get on your knees, recite this aloud, and repeat until you believe):  God, your Word says that you are a healer, and with you all things are possible. Today and going forward, I choose to receive your supernatural healing. My heart is no longer broken.  My heart is whole and I receive your comfort and peace. I am strong and realize that this is a small fraction of time that will become a distant memory very soon. I am healed; I am healed; I am healed; I am healed.  Thank you, Lord, for being all that I need. Thank you, Lord, for giving me the ability to move past all of my previous relationships. Thank you, Lord, for rebuilding me and my confidence. Thank you, Lord, for giving me hope and restoring my faith. My mind is renewed and my heart is healed. Thank you for loving me always. You have never left me and will always be there, and for that I am grateful. In Jesus’ name, I pray, Amen.

Live in the Moment. Be Present.

Your life has a purpose. Make the most out of your day.

During this season of healing and moving on, be intentional with your day. God has created you for a purpose.  Each day is an opportunity for you to live your purpose and enjoy the gift of life. There are blessings being prepared for you.  Doors are opening on your behalf. It’s also important to take care of the gifts you've already been given, including your body, relationships with family and friends, and personal belongings. So get up early. Eat good food. Drink lots of water. Wear something nice. Look your best. Keep your bed made up, your space clean and smelling good.  Go out into the world. Visit family. Call a friend. Date yourself. Do what you're passionate about. Put your best foot forward, and for goodness’ sake, enjoy your life!

Proverbs 3:6 New International Version (NIV)

6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Count Your Blessings

What are you thankful for?  Each day, make a list of 5 things you're grateful for and why.

For example, I am grateful for my mom. She loves me unconditionally and is always there when I need her.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Prayer: Heavenly Father, I’m grateful that I can come to you for anything, at anytime. You are my best friend. Allow me to better trust you and your plan.  Right now it may feel a little uncomfortable, but I know that what I’m experiencing is for my benefit and that all things are presently working together for my good. It is not for me to figure out how the pieces of the puzzle fit together. Thank you for giving me a purposeful day. I am acknowledging you in all of my ways, so Lord, please have your way today. I rebuke the spirit of laziness and discouragement. I am grateful for the gift of life. Allow me to maximize the time that I have to worship you, help people, and enjoy the present. I trust that you have it covered and that in the end, I win. In Jesus’ name, I pray, Amen.

Spread Love. Bless Someone.

With social media, we have more access to what’s going on in people’s lives. One thing that became apparent over time was that there was always someone else going through very similar situations as me.   If I was celebrating a new job, so was someone else. If I was planning to go on a trip somewhere, someone is posting about their time at that same location. If I was going through a breakup, so was someone else. From those observations, I realized that we are all connected.  When you're celebrating, so is someone else. And when you're hurting or feeling down, know that you aren’t alone. I decided to use this revelation as an opportunity to pray for other people when I'm feeling down. I am able to channel the feelings and thoughts of what it means to be in that situation and use it for good by praying for God to encourage other women who may be feeling the exact same way. This is actually what prompted me to write this book. I began writing this while going through a breakup, and the result has been healing for my soul. What the devil intends for harm, God will use for good. There is purpose in everything that we do and go through, but it's up to us to decide what we do with it.

This is the perfect opportunity to use this season to bless other people. Just like you, there are other people in need of support, love, and positivity. Find ways to be kind to the world. Encourage and pray for someone.  Sometimes a simple smile, compliment or word of encouragement can do so much for a person.

Prayer (Recite this aloud, and repeat until you believe): Dear Lord, show me how I can help someone today. Guide my steps, heart, and actions, and let your perfect will be done. There is purpose in how I’m feeling at this present moment.  I am praying for all of the women who may be experiencing hurt, pain and disappointment. Heal their hearts, Lord. Let them know that they are not alone. Encourage them, and allow them to feel your unexplainable peace and comfort. Give them supernatural healing. Restore their hearts. Increase their confidence in believing that a better life is being prepared for them; better than anything they can imagine. Allow them to seek you fully for wholeness. I give you all of the praise and glory. In Jesus’ name, I pray, Amen.

Build Yourself Up

Each day look in the mirror and encourage yourself.  Speak life to yourself by reciting daily affirmations.

• I am a great woman

• What is meant to be for me, will be

• I’m not afraid to let go of things and relationships that take away from my well being

• Every single form of validation that I seek, comes from me. I validate myself. My self validation is all that I need.

• Time is on my side

• I am loved

• I am good enough

• All things are working together for my good

• I am special

• I am one of a kind

• I am royalty

• I am a light in this world

• I attract blessings into my life

• I attract good people into my life

• I am healthy

• I am healed

• I am Whole

• I am worthy of receiving all of the things that I desire

• I am strong

• I am kind

• I am confident

• I am loving

• I am classy

• I enjoy my life

• I am open minded

• I am prosperous

• I am guided and protected by God

  
  
  

Keep It Real With God

The best prayer and conversation you can have with God is one from the heart.  Of course, he already knows how you feel and your desires. But just like in any relationship it is important that you communicate those things, even to God.  Let him know how you’re feeling. Pray for what you want. Let him know that you’re trusting him. Be real.

If you could have the perfect life, what would that look like?  How would you feel? Go to God with those desires. These types of prayers feel so good to me.  I have confidence based on the scripture from Mark 11:24, that when I pray, if I believe that I have it, I will receive it (if it aligns with Gods will for my life).  So give it a try. Be as descriptive and as illustrative as you’d like. God is doing a new thing in your life. Don’t be afraid to help author those new beginnings.

Have daily talks with God, praising him, thanking him, and ask for what you want. He wants to bless us.

Psalm 145:17-21 New International Version (NIV)

17 The Lord is righteous in all his ways
    and faithful in all he does.
18 The Lord is near to all who call on him,
    to all who call on him in truth.
19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
    he hears their cry and saves them.
20 The Lord watches over all who love him,
    but all the wicked he will destroy.

21 My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord.
    Let every creature praise his holy name
    for ever and ever.

Conclusion

Healing has really been as a result of God restoring my heart. My completeness is found in Him. Without Him, who knows where I would be.  Every single time He picks me up when I come running to Him. I literally run to Him because I know that my sanity and well-being are at risk. I've learned to start the healing process immediately. As with anything in life, the earlier you start the healing process the easier it is to recover. All you have to do is give God a chance.  

Ultimately, prayer and spending time in the Word has been my best friend.  Rebound with God. Develop a personal relationship with Him. Talk to Him, study His Word, and have an open heart to receive His love.  To supplement your healing I recommend you read this manual often. Sometimes reading the Table of Contents alone is all the boost I need to kick start my confidence. Other great supplements to your personal time with God are the Joyce Meyer and Joel Osteen apps.  Both apps include daily devotionals and empowering messages.

Final Note:  You are special. There is no one on the planet like you. You are rare. Your heart will be restored. Be confident in who God made you to be. He is on your side, always. He'll never put more on you than you can bear.  You will get through this! I believe in you. I am praying for you! You’ve made it this far, and everything is okay. Just keep living on purpose, and watch life surprise you.

Love, Alicia Frazier